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Warning: advice may be brutal and sassy
The Dilemma
Michael (he/him) l 28 l Gay l London
James, I keep losing my rag with my boyfriend.
I’m becoming impatient with everything he does.
He’s generally starting to annoy me, on a big scale.
We’ve been together over three years and I love him, but I feel like I’m starting to suffocate.
I don’t want to feel like I’m always popping at him, though.
What do I do?
The Response
Dear Michael,
‘Your perception of me is a reflection of you. My reaction to you is an awareness of me’
Have you heard it before?
It felt pertinent to share right now.
The concept is that how we perceive and respond to one another, is more often a result of our internal subconscious, created from a lifetime of our unique experiences, as opposed to anything the other person is doing.
To put it into an example for you; I may find another human being rude, or obstructive, yet the reality may be they’re nothing more than shy, or introverted. However, my need to feel validated by other humans, due to my own experiences of being rejected from growing up, leads me to make assumptions about humans that may or may not be correct, mainly because their form of communication doesn’t immediately validate me.
This is all my ‘stuff’, not the other person’s.
My perception of them, is a reflection of me…
Your 'stuff'
- What’s troubling you about your relationship?
- What are you not being heard on?
- What needs are you not communicating?
Partnerships often become troubled when there is an imbalance in the equilibrium. Perhaps one party feels less listened to than the other. Perhaps one party hasn’t grown to communicate their needs effectively. Perhaps one party is afraid of losing the other so they don’t speak their mind.
When we feel an underlying want or need not being tended to, we can grow impatient, or short.
It sounds like your impatience with your partner might not be anything to do with him, but in fact has everything to do with you.
your perception of me is a reflection of you. My reaction to you is an awareness of me
Your exploration
We all have the capability to talk with our partners.
We all have the ability to have conversations.
We should all feel safe enough within our relationship to talk about the deepest, most sacred parts of ourselves.
I’d like you to explore this.
Listen to your deep subconscious – what is it telling you?
You need to feel confident enough to sit with your partner and talk about what’s going on for you.
You need to release the boiling pot.
It allows us to be present again in our relationships, and find enjoyment in the mundane.
After all, that’s the most beautiful thing about relationships.
My final thoughts
If you’re afraid of talking with your boyfriend about something of greater severity, I’m here to tell you that unfortunately the feelings of impatience won’t pass as much as you’d like them to. The greater the subject, the more important it is to discuss.
The only way forward is through.
Good luck.
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